Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets | Time
Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success is an online Health class at and specializes in issues related to dating, marriage, divorce, and infidelity. Weil is. Turns out divorce isn't as much about increased negative things as it is about In stable marriages, there are at least five times more positive interactions If you ranked your level of happiness as a on a scale of 1 to 10, greater increase in marital satisfaction than the “pleasant” date night group. Elder Pinnock offers ten suggestions for happier marriages. Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage Relationships . So often in those stressful circumstances where divorce has occurred, I will hear comments such as.
It was one of the best decisions we ever made. We found that we had more time for the things that we valued most. Now, as a result, we spend more time at the dinner table, we take longer walks as a family, and we have been able to save money for some worthwhile experiences… like a weekend at the beach, for example. Removing the nonessentials has allowed us to focus more on the essentials.
And we have discovered that true life is found there. Often times, our marriages follow the same trajectory. At first, when we have nothing but each other, we focus intently on the important building blocks of a healthy marriage.
Suddenly, we worry more about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of our marriage. Or we spend more time taking care of the car in the garage than the other person in our bed. Wise couples realize that a nice home, car, or retirement account may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage.
They understand that there are far more important principles at play. At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever — and that is what defines true love.
It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life. Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul.
When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse.
Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness. We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth.
15 Key Secrets to a Successful Marriage | ar-cad.info
An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness.
Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you — that simple exercise should help you stay humble.
People who keep things bottled up inside are candidates for a variety of illnesses, but even more serious, that approach does not solve problems.
A serious disagreement between partners does not mean the two are becoming allergic to one another or that the situation is hopeless. It merely means that they are human and not yet perfect individuals. If we can just acknowledge our differences in mature ways, then we will realize that our dating procedure is okay or our marriages eventually will be all right.
Often what happens is that we have simply failed to communicate. And differences can be worked out without jeopardizing a relationship. As we communicate, brothers and sisters—may I say this quickly—let us first communicate about feelings, those throbbings from within, and then we can be concerned with the historical aspects of communication, where we have been and what we have seen. But let us communicate our feelings first. Kindness Fourth, never make your date or mate the object of jokes, either in private or in public.
Partners who poke fun at one another may think of it as good-natured humor. It is degrading and dangerous. To make a joke about private things a husband or wife or a boyfriend or girlfriend does is a form of ridicule and a way of putting him or her down. Too often the laughter conceals a spirit of malice or anger that causes hurt feelings and fractures in that delicate substance we define as spirit.
Couples who respect each other do not resort to such procedures. Trust Fifth, both during the dating period and after marriage, do not smother one another with excessive restrictions. Remember a kind and loving Father—and I guess it was a hundred years ago today that we were sitting around talking about that council in heaven and all those things that had happened thousands of years before, and we were getting ready to come here.
As we looked to Father, we could see the trust in his eyes. And we knew that we would be operational here upon the earth in a great environment of freedom. Then why do we sometimes try to take that freedom away from those we love so much? A loving wife of many years shared with me one of the secrets of her beautiful marriage. As you know, he is a busy businessman, a bishop, and a father.
In turn, he helps me reach my potential. She later served as a counselor in two auxiliary presidencies. She had a little place in their home where she could sew and where she painted lovely paintings and wrote beautiful poetry. He felt comfortable in going fishing, lowering his golf score, doing some painting himself, and growing in ways that interested him.
Neither of these marriage partners was being smothered by a selfish mate. And as you think about that eventual responsibility that you will have of raising children, keep that concept in mind.
If you will give them gobs of freedom, almost beyond logic sometimes, they will grow in precious ways that will give them the confidence to do what needs to be done. They are interested in one another, and yet they set each other free to grow and mature—never free to flirt, but free to take on new challenges and to pursue new interests.
Jealousy is a subtle form of bondage and is the most smothering of human passions. We must allow each other plenty of room for personal growth and expression.
When both partners are able to develop their talents and interests, the marriage is less likely to suffer from boredom and narrowness.
Paying compliments Sixth, compliment each other sincerely and often, just as you do or will do during the dating period. He gets so much attention from others that he needs to be brought down a peg or two. He gets too big for his britches. Every husband needs a wife who will build him up, and every wife needs a husband to honor and to respect her. Building each other with sincere compliments is never a sign of weakness.
It is the right thing to do. Anyone who can contemplate kneeling at an altar, participating in an eternal ordinance—or those who have—can certainly find lovely things to say about a partner. So often in those stressful circumstances where divorce has occurred, I will hear comments such as this from a divorced man or woman: How I wish he or she would come back. The loneliness is unbearable.
I neglected to tell him or her so many things. Oh, if only I had let her or him know how good she or he was in so many ways. What a fool I was! I could never learn to compliment and to build. I was always pointing out her or his mistakes. I want to tell them to quit their sarcasm and instead to encourage each other.
We all tend to become the persons described in the compliments that our spouses and friends pay us. We will do almost anything to live up to the compliments and encouragements of a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a proud wife or husband. Let me tell you a story about a man who received his PhD from this institution. We had known this person for a number of years. He married later than many, and as we watched him relate with a young woman, we wondered if she could keep up; we wondered if she had the capacity to understand life as he had learned it because he was more than several years older.
Then, as we observed that couple at social functions and elsewhere, we saw that he would take time to carefully instruct her. As he returned from classwork, he would bring home books for her to read and to study. As they took long walks, they were constantly teaching each other. What a beautiful marriage and what a lovely family they now have because they have taken the time to compliment and to build each other!
They are serving now in the mission field together, there because of his sensitivity and because of her sensitivity, there because they desire to build one another. Talking Openly As a seventh recommendation, in dating or in marriage, never resort to the silent treatment. Always be open and straightforward with each other.
Too often we may respond to tensions by clamming up or by taking a walk. A young wife in the southwest corner of Salt Lake County asked me to talk with her husband.
He just walks out the door. He can go on for days or even a week or two without saying a word. Let me work it out by myself. What is marriage if it is not sharing and helping one another through crises? Keep the door to your heart open. The times when we shut others out are often the times when we need their help the most.
Of course we need times of privacy, to think alone. Of course we need time to pray and to meditate. And we should understand and respect these needs in others. However, we should never be inconsiderate or unappreciative of a concerned husband or wife who is trying to help at a time of trouble and discouragement.
Even when cheating has occurred, we must be willing, under most circumstances, to accept their true repentance. Thousands of marriages have survived the most critical problems and have been successful only because godly sorrow for sin was followed by Christlike forgiveness. A woman was referred to my office for a blessing for the restoration of her health.
She had been ill for seven years. She had had exploratory surgery three times, had been in the hospital a number of times, and had switched doctors more often than annually. And I declined to give her a blessing when the Spirit said there was nothing wrong physically. Brothers and sisters, you can imagine what an awkward position I found myself in, having to say no. She had not been pleased with his behavior and had carried with her a scarred heart, emotions that had been disrupted and confused, and she was bitter.
Now wait just a minute, Elder Pinnock.
15 Key Secrets To A Successful Marriage
About ten days later the telephone rang. I have thought a great deal about it since then, and I believe that is your problem.
Confiding Only in the Bishop or Branch President Ninth, remember never to turn to a third party in time of marital trouble except to your bishop or branch president. In sensitive and inspired ways he will direct you to a competent counselor if that is what is needed. Someone is always ready and eager to consult a hurting wife or husband, and when marriage partners have no one to talk with at home, unfortunately, too often they seek a friend elsewhere.
And that, dear brothers and sisters, is where almost all adultery has its origin. It can happen in the neighborhood, in a ward choir, at the office, or anywhere else.
Secret affairs begin innocently enough just by talking about mutual hurts, but then comes a dependency period that too often ends in transferring loyalty and affection, followed by adultery. Never ever, never ever, confide your marriage troubles to a third party, no, not even to your closest friend. He or she may be the first to tell your troubles to another, becoming the one to hurt you most severely. Lean on the Savior and rely upon your bishop and your stake president.
Remember that because, as the years quickly come and go, there will be stressful times when you will need to talk to someone.